Fear of what lies beyond

We have trying to get to the farm every weekend before the settlement date to learn as much as possible from the current owner before we dive deeply into the unknown. The learning curve is huge and if we think about it to much it could stop us from doing anything.

I suppose from the beginning we have been thinking that - if we don't give this farm a go we will never know and life is to short to sit and wonder, to sit and dream or contemplate the risks and really if we did calculate the risks we probably wouldn't have done it, but we would have been forever wondering 'what if we did', 'what would have it been like' and possibly we would have regretted not having a go. It could all bugger up and we could potentially kill 700 avocado trees, 170 macadamia trees and 60 olive trees, but the first farmers of this world began somewhere, they started from the beginning, made mistakes and learnt from them and then tried again and I think that's exactly what we will be doing - making lots of mistakes, learning and trying again.

I just feel that if I sit back and never give anything a go due to fear my life will become stale and everything will stay the same and nothing will ever change. The unknown is frightening, but at the same time its exciting and invigorating and has spurred my inner being into searching, discovering and learning again about something so foreign to me.

The philosophy is 'be brave, be bold and soak up as much knowledge as possible'. I have no illusions - I know its going to be hard and that there are going to be huge adjustments to my little family but if there is one thing I have learnt lately its that the best things can come during the hardest times of your life and by taking risks and leaping into the unknown.

It is so beautiful there at the moment, and with the change in season the colour of the place has changed. The trees are now more yellow and there is a carpet of yellow and brown leaves between each row, that just makes you pick up hand fulls of leaves, toss them in the air and watch them float to the ground. New blooms are covered in an enormous, actually frighteningly large amount of bees busily working away pollinating each flower. It is amazing to think that as we work away picking the last of this seasons avocados that the bees are working away to start the process of fruiting all over again - creating avocados for next season. It was a little sad to see the last load of avocados we picked go off to the markets for the year, as we would have to wait another year till the flurry of picking, packing and pruning begins again.

The kids love being there, and Myles in particular is making my heart burst with love, he is absolutely in his element, being the very grown up big brother helping with the picking, packing and pruning (the three p's as pop puts it), riding on the mower, and climbing trees. Seeing them there enjoying it so much and wanting to go back each weekend has put my mind at ease somewhat about the effects of moving there on them. I'm brimming with excitement now and cant wait to get there.

figuratively speaking

Ive locked myself in the study, figuratively speaking because the door actually doesn't have a lock, to make an attempt to do something, anything, anything at all really,anything that doesn't involve me having to look or hear the football that has made its appearance on the TV for the second night running. I cant even begin to describe my passionate hate for the football, the droning noise of the commentators and beefy men circling, running into one another, one train wreck after another of bloody faces and noses pancaked across faces. So Ive turned on the tunes and try to wipe out the trace of all the other days of the week by immersing myself or at least my mind and hands into some clay, something to loose my mind and thoughts in for the evening, put some heart in this Saturday night. Ive been so consumed lately that I haven't made the time to do anything creative for myself, its time for all those ideas that have been swimming around in my mind for months to materialise. I begin with the clay and feel awkward, as if I cant even begin to create the images from my mind, my fingers are stumbling and so I just start playing with it and the more I manipulate it the more things I begin to see in the clay, a face, a person wrapped in a blanket, a bird, an old mans face.......and all of a sudden i turn and everyone has gone to bed, the lights are all out and I'm left with three hours gone, immersed in clay.

Teeeeeea pleeeeease

Fynn grabs my hand walks me into the playroom and points up at the top shelf of the bookcase and yells, TEEEEA, TEAAAA, several times before I give in and get it down for him and we have a tea party. We love tea parties around here at the moment.